I have had the opportunity a few times so far in my career to offer acupuncture to patients in hospice to help with anxiety, pain and end of life support. Every time I have an appointment with one of these patients it is a deeply moving experience for me. In this setting, I become very aware of how precious each moment of life is and how time here is limited for all of us. With this in mind I have made it a point to record and pass on the wisdom that I receive from getting to know my patients, especially those who are in hospice. The following is the story of my experience with Gary.
Gary was in home-hospice care with lung cancer while I was able to give him treatment. Gary and I had great rapport. When I would arrive he would grin and say “hey bud, how’s it going?” In our sessions he would tell me the story of his life. We talked about the good times and hard times. He told me how much he loved and appreciated his wife and everything that she helped him with. He told me all about his family and his passions. He even told me how he made his own golf clubs! He would also report to me how he was “tying up loose ends." In one particular session Gary was very quiet. As an acupuncture practitioner I knew that this quietness, or space, was very important and sat there with him for a good while in silence. Eventually I asked him what was on his mind. He began to weep and told me that he had been thinking a lot about dying lately. Before this session his wife mentioned that he had not really opened up much about his feelings, even with the chaplain that the hospice services included. In this moment I knew that the questions I asked and the listening I offered would be very important. With deep mindfulness I said: “You have told me your life story and have lived the up’s and down’s of life. What wisdom have you learned that you would like to pass down to others?” There was a long pause, he took my hand and began to weep. After some time he said, “Well, what I really have learned is it that there is nothing to fear, all of us have to go through this [dying]”. I held his hand and weeping he asked me if singing a song would be appropriate. I sang to him Van Morrison’s “Into the Mystic.” Afterwards he looked at me, nodded and squeezed my hand. I then got up to let him rest a little while with the acupuncture needles in. I was incredibly moved by this experience.
There is an indescribable feeling when working with someone who is actively dying. For me it is a mix of the reality of death and it’s mysteries and the awareness of how precious our time here is. It hit me like a ton of bricks in that room with Gary. The simple and profound wisdom “there is nothing to fear” rang through my mind and became clear and real for me. While collecting myself in the other room I reflected on my own life for a few minutes. I thought about the attachments that I have and ‘the loose ends’ in my life and relationships. I became aware of the times when I have been fearful or upset about truly small things and how they prevented me from feeling more alive.
Most of us are not confronted with death very often. It’s uncertainty evades us as we become preoccupied with the busyness of our daily lives. My sessions with Gary have inspired me to confront my fears and keep in mind the purpose of anything that I do. I keep his words of wisdom close to my heart now when I become fearful about something.
Gary passed away a few weeks ago. In honor of him, as promised, I am passing on the wisdom he wanted everyone to know. “There is nothing to fear.”
Where are you fearful in your own life?
How is it holding you back from living more fully and authentically?
What are you avoiding ?
What are you afraid to do or say?
I encourage you to reflect on these questions and see what new insights you may have about yourself and your life. I know from personal experience, the answers are truly invaluable and help me to live life more fully, with more joy and peace.
